Mothering - April Chapman

Category: Mothering

28
Feb
2017

Parents…Be Purposeful In Praying

I’ve recently been reminded of the importance of praying over my children. It was easy when they were little and I was the one tucking them into bed each night. Those little girls are busy teenagers now, blossoming into beautiful women. While I may not tuck them into bed at night, praying over them is more important than ever, so new habits must surface.

This year Ainsley started high school and since we go to a school outside of our area, I drive her every morning on my way to work. We have 15 minutes of uninterrupted time each morning, which gives us the time to talk about what is going on in her life and for me to pray over her before she leaves the car. I remember thinking in the beginning of the year what a drag it was going to be to have to leave early every morning to take her, and now it is time I absolutely cherish.

Jerilyn’s needs are different. She tends to get attacked by Satan at night and can be overwhelmed by fear. She lives in a wonderful group home during the week, but that means she is not home most nights. We now have nightly calls where I can pray over her. The wonderful perk of a child with autism is that habits are easy for her to develop. They make her world feel much safer. Jerilyn calls every night before bed, you could set your clock to it, and this connects us even when she isn’t with me. It also builds her faith as she sees God step in and answer our prayers.

Daisy has been the more challenging one to get into a routine, because there is not a specific time of day when it is just us two. However, I was reminded this week of the importance of being purposeful about praying over her. She has been having a rough week, and I’ve had to have some difficult conversations with her. The moods of a twelve-year-old girl are fierce! 🙂 As I became purposeful about praying over her, and doubling-down with a prayer in the morning and evening, I could see the teenage angst fading and the joy only Jesus brings, appear on her face.

Lord, help us to pray purposefully over our children. We are often the only thing that stands between them and a world eager to distract and entice them away from you. Help us to connect on a heart level with them by letting them see our love poured out in petitions for them to you, our sweet, sweet Heavenly Father.

13
Feb
2013

A Day In The Life…

categories: April, Mothering

Let’s relive Sunday, shall we? Well, not actually, because nothing could make me want to relive it! Honestly, chaos is so constant around here it’s almost not even shocking anymore. It was a three-strikes-and-you’re-out sort of day.

Sunday started out with a new behavior coach sent to work with Jerilyn. We went to church and I handed Jerilyn off to her one-on-one support worker, Cindy, plus the behavior coach. With two adults to help her, Daniel and I headed off to the service. I was called out within an hour because she was cursing in church and trying to break for the door. Strike #1.

We headed home early where I had seven emails from Mr. X’s new girlfriend. I’ve decided to refer to my ex as Mr. X to protect the guilty. Wife #2 recently filed for divorce and although it isn’t finalized, he has gone ahead and shacked up with his next victim who is unfortunately clueless about the fact that he is most likely a psychopath. How do you warn a woman who is under his current spell that he is not all he is pretending to be?

My next question, how am I supposed to feel about a woman who, because she knows nothing of the real truth, is fighting his battles for him which means making my life difficult and putting my children at risk? I personally don’t have the answer. Strike #2.

On to the next part of my day….Daisy asks to have some pistachios. Daisy has a peanut allergy, along with a ton of other things so we typically avoid nuts as a whole. However, pistachios are one of those nuts that she used to eat (before we knew to avoid all nuts) without a reaction, so I just assumed that would still be the case. WRONG!! Strike #3.

I had gone about a mile away with Ainsley to pick up her Girl Scout cookies and I got a call from Daniel that Daisy was having a reaction. We literally ran to the car and sped home. When I rushed in Daisy wasn’t looking great. My mom had given her a Benedryl and checked her breathing ,which had been okay, but by the time I listened to her breathing I could tell it was going downhill. I told Daisy we were going to need the Epi Pen. She agreed. So I took her to the closest room and gave her the shot.

I then called 911. They came and determined that we should take her by ambulance to the ER. Her breathing had gotten better and her rash had dissipated somewhat once we were on our way. However, she ended up rapidly changing and all of a sudden was having difficulty breathing. The EMT workers had to give her a second Epi Pen.

It is absolutely amazing how quickly it worked. Praise God!! Her breathing returned to normal and we didn’t have another incident. The ER monitored her closely for six hours and then gave her the all-clear sign.

You cannot imagine my relief as all evidence of a reaction disappeared. I was also so proud of my little Daisy who knew when she needed help and asked for it.

So, obviously…pretty bad day. Thank God it ended well with a healthy Daisy-girl!

This was Daniel’s first day back in Arizona with us…welcome back to the chaos Babe! Oh…how I long for a boring life some days…

12
Dec
2012

Downward Spiral

categories: April, Mothering

I haven’t written in a long while. Life has been rough the last couple months and I admit I found myself in a downward spiral. It started with a scheduled court date in mid-October to address child support and the many areas my ex was currently in contempt of, which basically means things he was required to do by the court, but just wasn’t. I was looking forward to getting in front of our judge but he forced us to mediate first. After false promises and misleading information, my ex and I came to an “agreement” which negated our need to go to court. Of course, once I gave up our court date, my ex refused to follow through on our mediated agreement.

Within hours of arriving back from Florida and my failed court attempt, I found myself in the emergency room of Children’s Hospital with Jerilyn. She needed to be admitted again to the bio-behavioral unit.

After about twelve hours in a tiny room with Jerilyn raging and on a one-to-one nurse watch, a bed opened up for her. Apparently one had opened up about six hours earlier, but they “forgot” to tell us. Oh joy. The stress of that day pushed me over the emotional ledge I was only barely hanging on to.

A lot of people ask me how I keep going with all of the challenges we constantly face. I usually say I take it one day, one moment, at a time. However, sometimes I get an overwhelming sense that I can’t keep doing it.

I felt depression pulling me down…down…down. I’ve dealt with episodes of depression a couple of times before when life’s circumstances were overwhelming. This time was one of the most difficult to bounce back from though. I had a hard time getting out of bed, talking to anyone, even eating.

Jerilyn stayed in the hospital for about ten days. During that time, our respite worker quit. Great day. (Read that sarcastically.) A respite worker is basically a one-on-one helper for Jerilyn. We can’t seem to hold on to a respite care worker. Ugh!

Within two weeks of Jerilyn being released from the hospital, I was at the end of my abilities. They had adjusted her meds, but stability was still not achieved. Every day was extremely difficult. I finally broke down and had to admit to myself that we needed more help. I called her Intensive Case Manager and told her through sobs we needed to talk about out-of-home placements.

I felt like a broken woman. A broken mother. A failure.

We started the process for a temporary out-of-home placement. It’s been a few weeks now and we did receive approval from the insurance company, which was a big hurdle. Now we are trying to see if there is actually a therapeutic group home which will work for her. Apparently there are three in the area. One already bowed out. The second one has a two month wait list. The third, and final one, interviewed Jerilyn and I yesterday and we will hear back by the end of the week about whether they will accept her.

My prayer had been that God would show us just the right home for her and close the other doors. I am hoping that since only one group home is still in the running…it is the one God wants her in.

Some of you may be wondering how Jerilyn is taking the news of the temporary move. Eagerly is the best description. The same way she looks at going to a hospital. She knows she needs more help than we can possibly give her, and I think she sees it as an adventure of sorts. A chance to meet other kids she can relate to. At least, that is my best guess.

Please continue to pray for us. This is only a snippet of the real life drama we are living every day over here. I could fill up a book with the more detailed version….oh wait…I am. Stay tuned. 🙂

14
Feb
2012

Hip Hip Hooray!!

categories: April, Autism, God, Mothering

Hip Hip Hooray!! This last two weeks has been full of ups and downs…as my chaotic life is prone to be…and today I am going to tell you about the uppiest up of it all. Jerilyn qualified for services through the state of Arizona.

“Services….What are services?” you say.

Well, services include occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, habilitation (teaching life skills) and respite care. YES…respite care!! Oh and all of these services add up to about 90 hours a month!!

For those of you not in the special needs realm…respite care is basically babysitting or kid-sitting in Jerilyn’s case, which is not easy to find. I can’t just call up the local babysitter and expect them to be able to handle everything, especially on one of her off days. Our lives are going to be changing around here! I am so excited that I am sure I am overusing exclamation points….but it is a huge answered prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best part about it for me is an infusion of HOPE. Hope for Jerilyn’s future. Hope for our family’s future. I’ve known for a LONG time that I am incapable of being all that Jerilyn needs. The needs surpass me and often overwhelm me. I am so excited for Jerilyn because she will now have a team of people who actually know what they are doing and can help her. My hope for Jerilyn is that she will grow into a young woman who understands her challenges, sets boundaries for herself and succeeds in life.

It can only help Jerilyn to feel surrounded by more people who love and accept her for who she is today, and believe in her ability to learn and face tomorrow. The other great piece of news that goes with this is that services, as needed, will follow her into adulthood here.

Thank you God for moving us to Arizona. Unfortunately all states are not created equal in this area. None of these services were even made available in Florida. Please pray that we are able to line up the right therapists as quickly as possible for her. Thank you!!

18
Sep
2011

Our “UN-Pleasant” Nightmare

categories: April, Funny, Kids, Mothering

This was one of those days that I would not want to relive, BUT….I promised this post, so here it goes.

Daisy’s 7^th birthday party was two weeks ago. Last year we had only recently moved to Phoenix before her 6^th birthday, so we didn’t have a lot of friends to invite. This time I wanted to make sure we had kids at the party, and due to the fact that it was Labor Day weekend I decided to over-invite, thinking some would be heading out of town. Wrong! Twelve girls later, plus Ainsley and Daisy….you could say my house was a 3-ring circus.

If you have been reading my posts than you are already aware that Jerilyn came home on Friday night after a 3 week stay in the hospital. Due to the fact that (A) I thought such a large group of girls screaming around the house would set off her sensory alarms, and (B) that “hello”…she had had lice at the hospital and I had basically de-liced and quarantined her before all the masses descended for the party; I needed another plan for her Saturday.

We had a plan set, or so I thought. My dad and brother, Paul, were planning to take Jerilyn and the boys (our boy cousins) out to see Captain America while we had the party. Fast forward to the party now, people are starting to arrive and my dad, who went to run an errand is still not back. Now, I am starting to stress because Jerilyn needed to already be gone, so we don’t have new transition issues and/or her blurting out anything remotely related to lice.

My dad now arrives and tells us that he has rented a jet ski for the day and that they are taking the kids (all 5 now) up to “Pleasant” Lake. I can tell you, from that moment, I knew the day was going to be a disaster. You don’t just take kids on a day outing like that without some planning involved….I know that, and I’m not even a “planner” type.

So now, my sister-in-law Vicki has to help get kids dressed and ready for the trip and I’m quite sure is thinking that she’d rather be going with them now, instead of helping me manage the 14 girls that have filled the house. I’m also aware that now, after we finish 3 hours of hectic party-ness, we are going to have to pile in the car and head up to Pleasant Lake.

The party went great, but as soon as the door closes with the last girl gone, we start scrambling to get out as well. By the time we are on the road we have been informed by my very frustrated brother that they are up there at some marina and there is no place for the kids to get in the water, so they are having to wait in 110 degree temps for their turn on the jet ski. Can we say disaster?? Can I say…“I told you so.”

Oh, and Jerilyn is not cooperating. Really? A kid with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and ADHD is not patiently waiting in the desert heat for her turn on the jet ski?? Shocking. In case the sarcasm is not clue enough…I was pretty pissed that they had put her in this position literally hours after coming home from the hospital where our focus was on stabilizing her.

*Break* (For those of you who don’t know my dad, he is one of the best dads/papas on the planet and his heart was in the right place. He wanted to have a fun day with the kids, even if his ability to anticipate how this would inevitably go down was way off.)

Alright, so back to my diatribe. Vicki, Daisy, Ainsley and I are now on our way up there. Two hours later, after our GPS taking us the wrong way, we arrive at Pleasant Lake. They aren’t there. Nope…apparently my dad is not at the state park that has places to jet-ski and to swim. He is at some Private Marina 4 miles down the road. I didn’t even ask him how he got in there.

We call to let them know we have found the place and they then inform us that the jet-ski is now broken. So…let’s get this right. We’ve got children (and at least one adult) breaking down all over the place and now the jet-ski is joining the crowd. Seriously, I just wanted to turn the van back around and throw as many kids in the back as we could, go home and stop this day from getting any worse. Alas, that was not in the cards.

Vicki and I decide to take the kids to the actual Pleasant Lake and let them at least get in the water. We get over there finally, and the kids get in the water, but Jerilyn has reached her limit and we are going to need to come up with an exit plan fairly soon.

To make this long story, just a little shorter, I’ll just say that the day also included a missing gas cap and my dad’s idea of a fix (just stuff a plastic glove over it) and one last ride on the jet-ski that included getting a ticket for driving too fast. Oh…it was a doozy of a day. Definitely the kind of day that requires me to sit down with a beer or glass of wine or whatever I can get my hands on and try as hard as I can to forget it.

In order to end on a high note, I will tell you my one piece of “pleasant” news though. Lice was conquered! Thank God!!!!!!!

30
Aug
2011

The Guilt List

categories: Funny, Julie, Kids, Mothering, Work

Hey, folks.

Just so you know, writing this blog has been on my list of “things to do” for awhile now. I’ve been mulling it over and over, and finally realized it’s time to write so I can move it from the “to do” list to the “to done” list. Not to be confused with the “kids’ activity” list or the “grocery” list or the “fix it” list or the “stuff we need for camping this weekend” list. Oh, and I can’t forget the “honey-do” list my really sweet husband left for me or the “housework” list or the list of “people I need to send cards to”.

Before you think I’m a freak, I don’t actually have all of these lists written out and hanging on the fridge as a constant reminder of things I have yet to do. It’s just that these lists are constantly running through my mind of what needs to get done. I know I’m not the only one out there who does this….am I? Isn’t this just the way it is when you’re a parent? Mile long lists of things to feel guilty about not doing yet? Does it have to be this way?

Just say NO, people! It’s time to make lists of things you’ve actually done throughout the day. Things that you’re proud of accomplishing. Trade that “guilt list” of to-do’s into a victory list of “look what I’ve done”! For instance, I never made it to the jewelry repair shop to drop off my husband’s watch, but I walked to the park with my little girl and had a picnic. (This wasn’t on any list, but it should’ve been.) She had a blast laying on our blanket with me and looking up at the underside of the trees.

I haven’t touched up the paint on our kitchen cabinets, but I did fold and put up 3 loads of laundry. Yay, me! I haven’t mailed out the family group photos to my aunts and cousins yet (from July), but I did meet with a friend to plan the teacher appreciation luncheon we’re in charge of for the school. See what I mean? It’s so easy to feel guilty about the things you haven’t done, when you’ve already done so much.

I, for one, am not going to feel guilty about not washing the sheets today, because I have a clean kitchen. I will let go of the fact that my browning bananas haven’t been made into banana bread. I am going to throw them away and not feel an ounce of guilt, because my back door window has been wiped clean of fingerprints.

At this very moment, my daughter is sleeping and I will not once think about all the things I was going to do while she’s taking a nap. Like finish her first year scrapbook, paint a growth chart to hang in her room, register my 8 year old for guitar lessons, figure out how to teach my oldest to type with homerow keys, call my mom, take a shower and put on makeup….No! I will not dwell on that list. Instead, I will think about the good I have done today. I sent my boys off to school with smiles on their faces. I made them a great sack lunch. I hugged my husband before he left for work. I swept the kitchen floor. I taught my daughter that clouds are the color white (our color of the day).

So let’s start a revolution! No more guilt over those crazy lists. Look at what you’ve done and be proud. Make that “victory list” and hang it on the refrigerator. Just don’t feel guilty if you never get around to it.

03
Aug
2011

Frozen peas….upside a head.

categories: Friends, Funny, God, Misty, Mothering

First, let me start by saying that I just read Julie and April’s posts about how we all met and I should just tell you that it’s all true, but they left out a LOT of details. I’m a details kind of girl, just ask April who doesn’t remember what happened 5 minutes ago. But, for the sake of a “short” blog, I won’t go into those details. I will tell you that you should be jealous of these friendships though, because we are kind of awesome. The kind of awesome that needs its own Lifetime movie. What are you waiting for Lifetime? Make a movie about us already.

Did anybody notice we are Christians? Uh-oh. Don’t worry, we’re not whack-a-doodles who handle snakes and drink kool-aid with special night-night pills inside. But I would say we are card-carrying lovers of Jesus. And that’s all the preaching I will do. I just mention the Christian part because, well, just like all people…we still have our issues. And sometimes, people want to relate those issues with the fact that we’re crazy Christians. When in fact, we’re just plain crazy. For example: let’s say some of us have more than 2 children. Like I don’t know, me. And let’s say that you’re in a grocery store with 3 children and you’re pregnant with your 4th and people feel the need to explain to you that you have too many children and what you should do about it. Here are some things you might hear:

“Do you know what causes that?”

“Wow, you’ve got your hands full!”

“All girls? I hope you’re having a boy this time!”

“You’re done after this one, right?”

Let me assure you that I have answers for all of these questions, and almost none of them have anything to do with Jesus. I am not Michelle Duggar, nor do I want to be (God bless her ovaries). And my husband and I are not trying to “be fruitful and mulitply” or start an Army for God. We are normal people. I don’t know when this world started hating kids, or thinking that there was something wrong with the people who had more than 2.1 children, but it is HELLA annoying when people assume you are retarded, or that you are a nut job with a Bible, and need education on how to NOT have any more kids. I’m sorry, did I ask you? Do I know what causes that? Sure. Do you know what causes this bag of frozen peas to land upside your head? Yeah, it’s cause and effect. I love my husband, he’s kind of hot and we have a pretty friendly disposition towards each other when it comes to the bedroom. Sometimes that equals: babies. You are stupid and rude and sometimes that equals: you getting hurt by frozen peas. See how that works? I’ve got my hands full? Duh. Thanks for noticing, Captain Obvious. You hope I’m having a boy this time? Wow, I didn’t know we were living in China. Hey, and thanks for saying that in front of my daughters. I don’t want them thinking they’re special in any way.

Here’s my point: I’m tired of stupid people. And not just the stupid people at the grocery store either. I’m looking at you Katy Perry with your stupid song about Last Friday Night. Two words for you: sell out. Seriously, I wonder how you sleep at night peddling your crap-lyrics to girls across the nation. And Lady GaGa who is about as originial as Milli Vanilli. Way to use sex appeal like you’re the first person to think of it. You are not as cool as you think you are! Okay, okay, now I’m just being mean. Don’t take me too seriously though, unless of course you trust the opinion of a woman who voted for Sanjaya on American Idol. (I stand by those votes…he had a freaking pony-hawk, people! A pony-hawk!)

But you get it, right? Get what, you say? Good question. God bless us, one and all. Especially the one’s who need frozen peas upside their precious heads.