I wanted to update everyone since my last post, so many people have contacted me directly to ask how things are going. Jerilyn was admitted to the hospital almost two weeks ago. She is still there. They are changing her meds and trying to clarify her diagnosis. It seems like we are fighting a battle, but don’t know the enemy. Is it autism? Is it a mood disorder? Is it anxiety? Is it ADHD? Is it ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder)?  I do know that she is in the right place with people that are aiming to do the best for her and help. That doesn’t mean it’s easy though.

It’s amazing how quickly your “normal” can change. Now my daily routine includes visiting hours from 6-7 at night. I usually bring a game for us to play, but we’ve never played alone. There are a handful of kids there whose parents don’t come and some that don’t even have any and have been tossed into the system.

I asked God to make us a light in this dark place and he is answering my prayers. I see Jerilyn reaching out to other hurting children trying to comfort them. I see other little faces light up when I come, knowing that they will be invited to have some fun with us. Jesus hasn’t forgotten them and I feel humbled that I can be his arms that give them a hug and his eyes that show someone cares. Please continue your prayers for us and for the other children and families.

I’m thirty-five….as of yesterday. Although, I must say I’m feeling much older than that after the day I had. Let me say this first, this blog is about real life and real life is hilarious some days and real life sucks other days. Yesterday was definitely one of those suck-y days.

You don’t know this yet, but my 11-year-old daughter Jerilyn is autistic, and has quite a few struggles on top of that, including ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and anxiety.  This weekend she reached a climax and I ended up taking her to the hospital to be admitted into the psych unit. Then, after a 3-hour wait, we were told that she qualified for admittal, but they had no beds.  They called another local hospital, which was also out of beds. Now we are on a waiting list.

The first time I had to admit her to a hospital was about a year and a half ago and it was a very surreal experience. I’ll never forget when I turned around and walked down the hall and heard that door lock behind me.  I felt like the absolute worst mother in the world, and yet I knew it was the best thing I could do for my daughter at the time.

The next day when I went to visit her, we sat in her room talking and playing and I saw another family across the hall. They were being shown their room and the nurses were going over the process, just like they had done with me. I realized instantly, that our story was not unique. There are many families experiencing the same things we do. It’s just not something talked about openly. So I am going to start talking….for us and for them.

As you can see…life is not always easy around here. I’m sure it’s not easy for you either. Some days it feels like I am just struggling to breathe. Desperate to make the right choices, but not sure which option is the best. Sometimes every option I have is bad. I know I won’t end the day with the promise that my problems will be solved by tomorrow.  So the best I can do is cling to HOPE….HOPE  that even when the future looks daunting…with God all things are possible. I’ll cling to HOPE….will you??